i feel cheated, seriously

it's still happening?

okay, i'll come clean.

i tried getting over the fact that i can't go poly, but i'm still sour over it. 

its not that i CANT bcos of my score, but bcos my parents want me to opt out of poly.

so, fine. i intended to take theatre studies and drama, lit, econs and maths.

NOW, one day before the reporting day, i find out tt i'm highly discouraged to take Theatre studies and drama, because its too time consuming, and my focus should be on track instead since i appealed thru that.

i can pull through if i take TSD... but now i cant go poly OR take tt subj tt i want...it's just unfair...

but however you look at it, they're still my parents. and no matter how much i hate myself for letting them dictate whatever i'm doing, i still dont wanna let them down(altho i feel i alrdy have). i mean, i have been feeling horrible for giving them shitty attitude these past few days, but at the same time i feel that these big life changing decisions should be made by me and not them.

everything's so screwed up now.

Move on

move on

move on

 i've got no choice, i've gotta move on

it's just too late, i gotta move on

there's no point waiting, so just move on

it's time, it time for me to take a step back

why don't you leave me on the sidetrack

there's no point waiting, no point waiting

no point waiting, no point waiting, no point waiting

my heart, it broke into a million pieces

it's like it burned down into ashes

you've never been in my position, position

i pray for you to come back to me 

someday, cause i know that('s?) the only way
for you to come back to me, come back to me
come back to me, come back to me

this is an unfinished song by Thaqif,  a talented Singaporean and he asked his fans and viewers to help him complete this song.... a year ago. haha. i just saw this, this year but since i didnt see any video responses, i'm trying to complete it for him:D or just suggest.
anyway, this song is really relatable to me, not focusing on the relationship part but more on the moving on part on a different aspect of my life.

yea i'll leave it at that.

the movie

"Weeping willow with your tears

running down...

Why do you always weep and frown?

Is it because he left you one day?

Is it because he could not stay?

On your branches he would swing.

Do you long for the happiness

that day would bring?

He found shelter in your shade.

You thought his laughter

would never fade.

Weeping willow, stop your tears.

There is something to calm your fears.

You think death has ripped you

forever apart.

But I know he'll always

be in your heart."

-my girl (1991)

this movie is really touching. though it's kinda old, i really think that the story will leave a lasting impression on me.
the above poem is from the movie and i think that you can only grasp the meaning and the feeling of it if you watch the movie.

it's a movie you should watch:')

what does one do when they are given a choice between fulfiling one's own wish and disappointing EVERYONE else?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!:)

hey! so a new year is approaching fast and i hope all of you will have a great year ahead:)


"It's suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the New Year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. To remember both our triumphs and our missteps - our promises made, and broken. The times we opened ourselves up to great adventures - or closed ourselves down, for fear of getting hurt. Because that's what New Year's is all about: getting another chance. A chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. And stop worrying about 'what if' and start embracing what would be. So when that ball drops at midnight - and it will drop - let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not just tonight but all year long." -claire , new year's eve movie


embrace the new year!:)

expanding my job scope

initially, i tore out pictures from the National geographic magazine that my school provide because i thought they were really breathtaking. however, i later wanted to put the pictures to better use (bcos i didn't want them to rot in my cupboard :D)  and then i realized that there are too many pictures.

so i'll change the approach. i think i'll do ads focusing on current social issue to raise awareness. then maybe, someday it can really be used.

i'm doing this partly for exposure to advertising:)

music inspirations

MARIE DIGBY

i LOVE Marie Digby's songs. i think that she has the ability to compose great songs that incorporates natural elements and have a deep meaning to her song as well. SHE WRITES GREAT SONGS. i aspire to be like her, based on music genre and how she does the arrangement of the songs. she's definitely talented.

one of my favorite songs from her is FEEL

(take a listen)

 Marie Digby - feel

isn't she just beautiful?:D

TYLER WARD

have you heard this guy's acoustic version of many songs? or have you heard his originals?

ITS AMAZING.

he has the ability to make known songs like his own. he's musical talents are just WOW.

plus, he posts videos regularly on youtube and its not those videos where you just post yourself in front of a webcam. its a high quality music video, with good sound quality.

i've always wanted to post many videos on youtube, but i never knew how to make it sound so good.

so, he's my motivation and inspiration to post videos and produce good songs.:)

my favorite songs from him is THE HARDEST THING

TAYLOR SWIFT

she's just powerful. she's able to write so many songs in such a short period of time! she's really an inspiration. most of her songs are heartfelt too, we've all experienced it sometime in our lives.

nuff' said.

my favorite song from her is currently IF THIS WAS A MOVIE

there's plenty more musicians who inspire me in different areas of music, but these are the main people who really makes me want to push and be better:)

im torn

so now that major exams are over, i kinda have o make a decision on my future. the school tht i wanna go to and what not. i have been switching sides between JC and Poly, vj and ngee ann poly to be exact. this is my situation:

i've wanted to go to ngee ann since sec 3? so its been 2yrs, but because of influence and personal interest, i wanted to go vj and vj only, no other jcs. so in august when i got the confirm appeal i readily accepted it and promised the teacher that i will go thr (cos he asked). the probnow is that, i dont want to go to a JC anymore. i think its boring and stressful and i think its not my type of environment and tt'll lead me to not coping in school. i went back to sticking with ngee ann poly, well mostly. i realise, i might have a shot at excelling in poly. passion's gna help me right? it's more practical skills, and more intersting. i realise that i ONLY want to go vj, so if i dont want to go other JCs, doesnt tha make me not interested in jc? i realise i dont like jc life. ahhhhhhhh! if someone asks me why i wanna go jc, i'll be speechless. but for poly, its totally different! what amm i suppose to do! i know everyone says that gg to jc will give u a higher chance to go to uni, but i think that if u go poly and have passion in the course you take, you'd be able to excel just as well! come one, if u have passion in smt, doesnt that make you all the more interested and willing to do whatever?

so now that i've changed my mind, im stuck bcos of the promise. i cant break it? its not right. but i dont want to go there either.

its never just about you and me now isit, im slowly being forgotten

letters to no one

What if you spoke your mind? What if you knew the real reason people treated you that waay? What if you knew how complicated the situation was but not know how to fiix it? What if you realised you never really know why you love them? What if they told you they loved you right from the start? What if. 'what and 'if' and two very unthreatening words in the english vocabulary, but if put together can make the most regretful, terrifying words can can haunt you for life. Sometimes, if you feel like the world has given up on you, or have no one to talk to, its always good to pen it down. Ometimes you feel that nobody out there would fully comprehend your thoughts and you might be too embarassed to tell them, so u can write it down. Write it down for yourself, for your heart. So that no matter what happens, its always good to let it go and leave that memory on that piece of paper. Sometimes, when you feel like letting go, you can burn them. The memory might astill be in your head, but the satisfaction of being able to see part of ur memory being burnt may help you move on. Sometimes.letters to no one.

I know what I know. don't question me

I know how I feel abt u, I love u as a friend and someone I can look for when everything else seem to be messed up. Now tt u wont even look at me, bothers me rlly badly, I nvr knew i'd feel this way. My most treasured friend, that's you. Hah, but is tt still e case for you? Its not e same anymore.

i love you.

nothing's ever perfect, but we still move on.

we have to face it , we're all getting older, we're maturing , we're wiser each year, we're just growing each day in every way. but age is just a number! change IS life , but how much of change is actually bearable?

1)  when i first knew you, i really liked just hanging out with you, telling you all the random shit, just being plain stupid and not conscious of what you were thinking about me. we were always open to each other, no secrets, no worries. now, i just don’t know how to say it. everything's changed between the both of us. i don't feel like i know you enough to give you advice , or anything that i should be doing for you. i may not appear to be bothered by what you do or how you’re acting but inside, im hurting. I’m hurting because you don’t seem to care much about your life. I’m hurting because I don’t feel that we’re close anymore even thought you say we are. I’m hurting because you don’t treat people the way you want to be treated. I’m hurting because I feel like I’m just one of your friends. I’m hurting because i feel that you hide things that I should know. I’m hurting because I’m not the first person you talk to. To tell you the truth, I feel that being around you now is not as pleasant as being around you then, before all this drama started. Why? why do you seem so different now? I thought you knew how to use your words wisely. I thought you wouldn’t use words so loosely. I may have tolerance, but I cant tolerate you doing that. I cant tolerate you doing anything that’ll make you seem childish or anything that’ll ruin your life in the long term. You don’t notice it do you? You don’t right? I care for you. We care for you. Yet, I feel that we are all slowly being replaced, shrugged off. I may show little emotions sometimes , but that doesn’t mean I don’t have any. Sometimes , I feel that you think you’re at an advantage, that everything you do has its reasons. Sure, but not all your reasons are right sometimes. Sometimes I feel that you are just too much, too stubborn to listen, too selfish. You’re seemingly more like this now. It hurts to see how this friendship grew and slowly tearing apart now. That’s how I feel. Torn. I’ve never felt so betrayed before. Sometimes , I feel that I’m losing you to you’re one too many friends. Hey, I know that you feel that you have many good friends, but I think that whatever happens you shouldn’t push what you have away.that’s what I feel. My perspective, I don’t know what’s yours. We do encourage you , we don’t push you away right? Little things do matter but its usually the little good deeds that go unnoticed. I’m not saying I’m perfect. Nobody is. I do acknowledge that im annoying, sometimes hateful. What’s happened to us? WHAT HAPPEN TO US? I really don’t know. Did you know? We were trying so hard not to tell anybody about the situation between us but when we found out how many people knew, we were just, disappointed. I’m happy that you’re finding ways to feel happy, but I don’t know if this hyper feeling is a good thing. Sometimes I wish you’d respect me enough. We’re still coming to terms with your enormous loves, but we do hope that you could tell us everything. Its unfair that you guys have almost nothing to hide while you are so protective of certain things from us. So, what are we going to do now? I’m not confident that everything'll go back to normal.


2)  you came into my life and meant much more than i thought you would. i’m thankful and grateful to Allah that you are there for me.You mean the world to me. Yes, you do. Haha. im glad i have you. though we have our screwed up moments and our fair share of fun.though we may not always have the right things to say, at least we're there for each other. i know that due to my rashness sometimes, i may have unintentionally hurt ur feelings or caused some misunderstanding. yet sometimes, i do hope that you will be able to reach out to me and talk to me more than what we do now. soemtimes i feel a tad bit of envy of the people around us. i know that i tend to get into a lot of mind-reading things which u dont always take notice of, i mean who would.i do ant to acknowledge though, that everytime i need comfort, with or without you knowing, you'll always send me a text at the right time. when i needed to see that you were thinking of me, most. sometimes i get mad that you dont call, or when i can't reach you or when you dont seem to underdstand me, but you aways cheer me up regardless, when u send me a text. but thats not enough though! :D 




3)you are one person who i treasure. it doesnt matter, the current situation we at now, you probably forgot i exist. maybe its my overeaction that i think everything is all just saddening. maybe it'll all go away with a simple text message, but nothing's that simple with you right? you might appear mean just to shoo me away, or just uninterested. either ways i dont want to risk hurting myself again by taking the first step again. but that doesnt mean i hate you , it probably just mean that i'm holding myself together and keeping myself away from the crap you're giving me. and neither am i that easy to shrug off.i just want to say that even though, you're keeping the distance i'll still be here  whenever.whatever we talked about, it cant be lost that easily right?